His comforting words

This is a something I am borrowing off a good friend of mine, Krystle's blog. One of her "letters" from God...
A lot of what she has been writing lately is so applicable to me. As I read her words, I often find myself thinking this is me...or yes, this prayer is what I need right now.

This particular thing stood out in my memory and was what I needed for comfort as things were spinning through my mind earlier tonight.

                            He shall be a help to you, do not fear  me, but trust me. You are my daughter, I have saved you from the pit. I am your maker, your shaper, each shape of your heart, I mold and put back together again. Come to me my darling, come to me and I will listen, I hear you! I know your heart, and I love it, I have formed and created it.

                         You are a life-giver, all strongholds, all areas in your life that you have put before me shall be done away with, I am the Lord your God. I am jealous for your heart. Watch your idleness, lift it up to me, I will be strong in you, I will restore and make all things new in you.

                 My daughter, my baby girl, I am sufficient for you in all things, my love is strong for you, stronger than anything. It runs fast, it rushes swiftly, it is deeper than the greatest depths, it is colorful and alive!! 

                The words of my lips are for you, there are for your heart. I am with you always, I guide you and I lead you.

Holidays 2009

It just doesn't quite feel like its Christmas or that this year is coming to an end.

I am ready for life to move on. Start student teaching, do the resume prepping, career fairs, and applying all over again. The last time I really had to do all this to get my audit internship (essentially a full time job) was back in Spring 2007. It's almost been 3 years! Wow...

I have all this time on my hands this winter break, yet I am at a lost at times what to do with it. There is a list of things I should do, but for some reason I feel empty or a void without a part-time job. That is what usually takes up the majority of free time I do have. When I do work, I don't want to. At the same time, I am so accustomed to it ever since high school.

There is also something I've come to realize which I think I really want to do someday! A friend of mine from church and her husband are currently part of Cares by Apartment Life. The mission of this organization is transforming apartment living through Christian ministry.

The following is pulled from their website.

"Apartment Life places CARES Teams (a married couple, family, or two single adults) into apartment communities to assist management in building community and serving residents. These teams receive a rent free apartment and commit to helping create a sense of community by welcoming new residents, hosting community events, and serving residents."

I really want to do this one day!!  Whether its with a friend or with a future spouse.  I think I am excited and ready to do this once I am settled and working with a full time job. There is a 2 year commitment for the effectiveness of the program. I would hope I am lucky enough one day to find someone that would be passionate enough to do this with me like Gordon and Amy are doing now! But at the same time, I think doing it with a friend as two singles will bring a totally different experience and interaction with the people we meet. I really enjoyed helping with Amy and Gordon's ice cream sundae event they had. It would be really awesome to develop relationship with people and eventually be able to invite them to Access! (my church) I really feel like the apartment ministry would be a great way to bring people to Access from all different avenues especially since Access is aiming to be multi-ethic.

But this is something to really pray about  as these next few months play out. I am super excited at the thought of this, but what do you have in mind for me God? You tend to surprise me sometimes with the people you bring in my life or the things that are thrown my way.

Oddly, I am back at square one where I was at late spring this past year. My circumstances now are so similar to what they were back then.

-  Confused, frustrated, and not understanding this most recent relationship that just happened.
- In an uncertain position and worried about not having a job. Whether I should find a new one. My schedule next spring which limits my job options. Paying for school and spending the next few months relying on what I have saved up. Etc....
- Worried about the future
- Learning to rely on myself again and God even more instead of other people
- Being content with who I am and where I am at
- Living and making decisions in consideration for myself. (basically, getting used to not caring for someone)
- Trusting that God will provide in all ways

Anyways, when I don't blog a few days this is what happens. Everything random on my mind comes out at once!

The last week and a half, I cooked and baked several things for different functions. Here are the pics to document my ambitious cooking week!

For small group Christmas potluck 12/17 (Sucess!) - 1st attempt at both. Red curry spicy Thai Chicken. White and dark chocolate bark with nutella, walnuts, and a tiny bit stale peppermint candy cane pieces. (HEB failed me)  The bark was extremely random and thrown together out of desperation after running out of time!

Helping with breakfast for church, Access 12/20 (Semi-fail) - Banana Nut Bread. I ended up not bringing to Access and left it in the car because I wasn't really happy with the way it turned out that morning. I did this in the middle of  the night too at around 3am? I pulled a recipe from online, altered the portions too much maybe? It didn't rise as much as I wanted it to. The texture was definitely not the same as the pumpkin bread. I think I should've just used the pumpkin recipe and replaced a few things. I think it was still good though, just healthy. =p some of healthy goodness I tried to put in ...
 -flaxseeds
-buckwheat flour
-whole wheat flour
- unsweetened apple sauce
-agave necter
-walnuts

Green tea brown rice and chicken 12/23 (success) - Saw this in a magazine at Borders and wrote the recipe down on the back of a receipt! Different but good in its own healthy way. It was basically white meat chicken poached in green tea and other ingredients and the rice was cooked in that liquid. I threw together a pesto with walnuts to use as dip and mixed it in at the end. Its hard to crush fresh herbs without a food processor or a mortar and pestle. But scissors will do just fine in the meantime!

back from Breckenridge, CO

It's Friday already. So much seems to have happened since last Fri. I have a plethora of things to say when I don't blog for a few days. I always want to limit the entry and not make it so long, but it never happens! oh well!

anyhow....since last Friday...

-snowboarded for the first time.
-fell ALOT
-body is still sore with bruises on my butt
-my left knee got twisted a little by the board once when I fell. The pain was there that night and I couldn't sleep, but the next day it seemed better
-I ran 9 miles yesterday (Wed). After the last 3, I guess the pain in my knee from snowboarding came back and the bottom of my foot hurts. Basically, my whole left leg hurts when I walk. Hopefully nothing is seriously injured =(
- 9 miles weren't consecutive or intended yesterday. 3, then 22 min. break, another 3, about 30 min. break, and the last 3, I nearly gave up 3/4 of the way on that last set...
-last day of work at O'Connor was yesterday.
- cooked Thai red curry chicken for small group potluck! (one of the things on my cooking "to do" list)
- I am so ?!??! exasperated, ughh,  I just don't quite know how to put into words right now...

Here's what I put up on my facebook status after tonight.

i was wrong, how could i forget about one earlier this year. its actually numero quatro now...i swear, i have a sign on my forehead. story of my life...screw it. gluck world!

and thats that.

I really need a massage. From physical pain; snowboarding, running and from being emotionally drained.

I can't wait until yoga Saturday morning at 8am. Hot hatha. I'm ready to sweat it out. De-stress a bit.
Crazy how I wouldn't have imagined myself to be willing to wake up that early on a Saturday morning and to do yoga of all things...

4 days since Saturday

Spent.

I am spent.

"It is Well With My Soul"....

Tired of thinking, tired of wondering, tired of repeating, tired of giving.

The song above was sung during worship last Sunday. It spoke and allowed me to be more at peace with no answers for now. Whether I get them directly from him one day or through God showing and leading me to understand everything that has gone on, either way, its all within time. An acoustic version of the song actually played the night before when Krystle and I were studying at Teahouse. She brought it to my attention, but I didn't think much of it at the time. Unbeknown to me, I would hear it again the next morning....

It doesn't matter that my intuition was right, it doesn't matter how much I try to speculate the future, how I don't understand everything. 

Guide me in my prayers when I don't know what and how to go about praying about things. Help me put aside all my wants and come to you with a submissive heart...Keep on breaking me down if needed so that I can build my way back up depending only on you...




One of my favorite songs, from the guitar chords to the lyrics....This is me. It never fails to make me tear every time I hear it.

Hillsong - From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Was on Biblegateway just now looking something up. The verse of the day on the homepage was this.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in
him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is
to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to
be my disciples.”- John 15:5,8  

yes. 

another awesome devotion!

It was titled "Come to me" John 6:30-40.

John 6:35 Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.

I want to type out the whole page for the days devotion. He doesn't fail to give me what I need and when I need it most. Even if I choose to argue.

As I was doing the quiet time earlier today, the words from the song All in All came in my head...


when I fall down, you pick me up, when I am dry, you fill my cup...you are my all in all.....

That was exactly how I felt the past few days. Up and down, but He always gives me something to lift me up again. I don't think I've really been dry...but more like stuck in a rut. He was indeed filling my cup and picking me up this afternoon as I read my quiet time. Its a good feeling...


On another note. Through www.Tastespotting.com (which I can look at and bookmark favorites all day) thanks Evelyn! Last night I think I bookmarked around 8 sites with recipes I want to make already within 5 minutes =p I found this site called Rawmazing Raw Food. The idea of raw food other than carrots and celery never really crossed my mind, but I like it. I'm not a ginormous health nut, but I like to be conscious of certain things and I do have my preferences. But doing things raw? I never knew there were so many options!

I am definitely making the walnut cranberry crackers over winter break among the long list of things I want to do!! ( making the list of to dos is one of my to do...) haha sad huh.


http://www.rawmazing.com/

Oh and I learned of something called agave. Its something to use for cooking/baking instead of sugar. I need to google it more though.

Am I helping?? a little frustrated right now

I have 3 weeks worth of assignments due at 5!! It's 4:25...almost done with this class!!!! - DONE

Am I helping by doing/not doing what I'm currently doing...

write more later.

Assignments for 3 more classes and 1 final. Then I'm done! and onto student teaching in January!!

I give up on ebay. I'm always outbid. I'm just going to head to James Avery for a new one....

Today I felt like I was getting close to how I was feeling this summer...that exasperated, just want to throw my hands up in the air, cry it out, I don't know what to do, take over for me God feeling....