Which has been seldom to none these past few weeks. I really wish I can be someone who is able to put aside everything and still be optimistic with a smile on my face. I don't want to wear my emotions on my sleeve.
I also don't want to come off as someone with my head held too high or oblivious to everyone around me. Sandy and I were talking a little about that topic on Friday. I don't think I come off as pretentious or too good for people, but I know I often feel I am oblivious to others around me when I have too much on my mind or when I am in one of those blah moods...So I really hope I don't come off as too good for anyone when I am in one of those moods. Its one of my goals to really watch that..
Lots of things have been running through my mind and I haven't been putting it down here so this will be another long post! Maybe I haven't been using my blog as a therapeutic outlet enough either and trying to keep it all in...
2 song lyrics that have touched me these past 2 days in the post below.
John Waller - While I'm Waiting ( I watched Fireproof last night)
Carrie Underwood - Temporary Home
RANDOM RECOLLECTION
- Friday went bowling with Manson, Sandy, and his friends. Didn't bowl but had a good time meeting his friends. Good group of people. But all of that also made me think back to what he mentioned once about finding and needing that group of people to hang out with. Made me realize again that I've still never really had that. I've been ok going along all these years with people I'm closer with at diff points and events or happenings that take place each week which fills my time. But as far as a consistent group of friends who hang out together, not so much. At one time, it might've been more Intervarsity plp, but not even since I didn't live on campus and it was hard to be a part of those that did and got the chance to spend time together leisurely outside of IV stuff.
Then for a little while last year I felt like I got to know everyone from Thurs small group better through Howard. Those friendships still last, but I know he was the glue to a lot of the group hanging out. I guess lately I've been feeling like I'm back at the beg. and middle of last year. Getting to know plp, forming relationships, and trying to find that place or group to fit in. I thought I had plp I could go to or call randomly to hang out, which I do but its more of an individual basis rather than group. But at the same time, I guess I'm referring to one stable person as well. A best friend, when you don't have that group who is free or along with the group would be best.
I've been getting by with just going week by week as events and things take place, but I think deep down I want and need that group of smaller more consistent plp also. I understand what Manson had originally said about that now.
- I ran into a glass door for the first time in my life at the bowling ally. This was before I had any drinks, hence not alcohol related. My nose still feels bruised!
- Watched Fireproof and Father of the Bride 1 and 2 yesterday and today. Too much wedding, marriage, love, stuff for me to handle right now
- Matt Hammon's take away from church this morning. Living an artful life is to trust in God and give yourself into the mysteries of Him and the life He has planned for you.
- I walked out of my seat this morning after the greeting part and went into the restroom. I wanted to leave so bad and drive across town to try FBCC, go home, or a park just to read my Bible myself thinking I can get the Word elsewhere. I need something to speak to me. Prayed in the restroom to give me the courage not to leave and listen. To fight the attitude I had at the moment. I stayed and got Matt Hammon's takeaway.
- Eating and not working out has been bad the past 3 days or so. I'm really not understanding my body and cravings right now. My cravings have totally expanded to include everything. Even things I never really cared for before like chocolate, sweets, cakes, pastries, and chips. Its like my junk food switch and sweets turned on out of no where. In the last half year, I've also taken an increased liking to bananas and oatmeal. I can eat them both everyday. I have an addiction to buying cereal lately. Maybe the past 3 months? Using my coupons and buying them on sale. We had 9 boxes I think? at my house at one point recently. I didn't buy all 9, we had a few there already, but still.
My doctors appointment to find out my ultrasound results for my throat is this Thursday..... I don't think I can handle any disappointing news. At the same time, I don't know what would be good news. It will stress me out either way...
- 2 bridal shower/bachelorette things this Sat.
- John Waller - I am Waiting ( the words really hit home)
- My Dear G.B. letters are scattered everywhere, I need to get them organized in one place.
