this is nuts.

almost there pls?

I thinking about how good God is, how he works...how he makes us wait..how he has a plan. A plan which I do not know and long to know so bad, but my only job is to trust him and live to glorify him.

Its so close right now, seems within my grasp but I know not to let up and stop trusting. I need to keep the faith until the very end and more.

I've been re-reading and pondering the section in my book by Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray.

This section mentions the point that:

If the request is wrong, God says No.
If the timing is wrong, God says Slow.
If you are wrong, God says Grow.

But if the request is right, the timing is right, and you are right, God says Go!


Also what is said in there about praying for something and changing from praying for the thing because of course God already knows it! to focusing on his greatness, his abilities, appreciation, faithfulness...


I got a call from the math specialist just now after a follow up I sent 10 min. prior. She said she has been meaning to call as things are busy. I know Sherry has talked to her about me, and they know and liked me from the interview. I am so grateful God, that all these things were in place for where things are now, even though it hasn't been easy to understand along the way.

I was really confused, frustrated, going in all directions....

It hasn't been easy to try to get things back in check and not allow this huge uncertainty to affect relationships with my friends, plp...and mainly wanting to withdraw from everyone and everything...falling into depression I suppose. I know I'm still struggling to not give in and try to live life normally as before all these stressors. But I feel it at the same time that I've let go to something that has allowed me to go about without that intense worrying that I had before. Not that I don't still worry, but its better than before. I don't know how to explain it...

I don't think I can even pinpoint an exact moment. I guess my faith and trust in him truly became more of it and not just me wanting and knowing I need to.

I know you have the greatest plan for me and will show me why I had to wait.

I'm scared that I'll go through the same thing of anxiousness and struggling to trust when it does come time for the relationship you have in mind for me. But just please guide me along the way. If I stray, put me back in check. Take away or give me the right feelings at the right time. Same for the other person. Prepare both our hearts, minds, situations, growth in you so we can eventually live this life together for you...