crazy week ahead & ran 3 miles today! ran 4 on thanksgiving morning with Que!! don't think I posted about it..

I wish I wrote yesterday the 29th so the date stamp could say Sunday 29th, 2009. and write about my baptism and day!

in a nutshell...since I am pulling an all nighter today =( its a cuh-razy week...

-my daily bread devotional book. Todays topic was on surrendering  and yesterday was on patience Psalm 37 which I was brought to this passage not long ago too...(the two things in my life and in my testimony...) crazy.

I know its supposed to be in a nutshell but I need to write this!

From todays devotion, I'm just going to type out exaxtly what is in the book.

Reason 1: God is all-wise and knows better than anyone else what is best for my life.
Reason 2: He is almight and has the power to accomplish what is best for me.
Reason 3: God loves me more than anyone else does.

 Chafer (president of Dallas Seminary in the early 1940's) concluded, "Therefore the most logical thing I can do is surrender my life to God. What more can I say? What more need I say?"
The apostle Paul had the same conviction. He knew that prison and hardship awaited him in jerusalem, but he also knew htat God wanted him to go (Acts 20:22-23). Even his sorrowing friends wisely concluded, "The will of the Lord be done" (21:14). They knew that Paul was right. No matter what happens, when we do God's will we're in the safest place in all the world. The Lord is all-wise, almighty, and all-loving. Doesn't it make sense to surrender your life to Him?


- I had Indian food for the first time at Shiva yesterday.

- I had a dream with Howard and Aaron in it when I napped yesterday afternoon. It was slightly weird. Well most dreams are. But I hadn't dreamt of H. since almost 4 wks now? After the first Sunday, I had dreams for 3 days straight which were all sad. My brain must've really been working/thinking on overdrive to dream so much. Anyways, this time I woke up a little sweaty which is really rare. I think it was because I was really frantic and paranoid in the dream. It was at some wedding party type function I believe and both of them were just plain drunk. Since Howard never normally gets messed up when he drinks whenever I lost sight of him I got reallly worried cause he was like a walking ticking bomb. I didn't know if he was going to be ok from one moment to the next. I tried to look for Aaron to care for him cause I think I was trying not to care for him in the dream since I guess I'm not supposed to anymore in reality? i guess? But Aaron wasn't in that great shape either and I couldn't find him at one point. I found out he ended up being in the car resting. I remember being really antsy and trying to just sit still and stay in this room that was playing a movie and trying to not worry about where Howard was or what he was doing, but I couldn't stand it anymore and went outside looking for him. Found him, saw he wasn't in good shape and I remember feeling in the dream like my heart was torn between wanting to care for him (probably cause I knew he wouldn't want me to? or I was afraid he wouldn't?) but I couldn't just walk away and leave him like that either....and I woke up since I was getting sweaty and hot. I tried to go back to sleep and dream some more but I couldn't....

- ran 3 miles around the track at the gym today. 13 times around it is really boring. Doing 4 miles outside w/Que was better!

- The girls don't want the Baer house =( its too far...8 min! something will come along...maybe better!!

- Saw another house that wasn't right today. The ones that are right and we all like are taken or for sale instead. Hopefully the owners of the blue house may be willing to lease instead of sell and at a price reasonable for us.

-Been praying about the house situation, student teaching, and everyday for him.

-Praying that I stay consistent with my quiet times, reading devotions, my books, journaling, and Bible. Its been a good rotation so far. I feel like I can't go without it. Its my way of leaning on God I guess you can say? But that was the downfall in those 3 months. When things got good and comfortable I let God fall to the sidelines. So no matter what happens with the house situation or anything else in the future, even if things are flowing smoothly, my relationship has to remain just as strong. It's funny how comforting it is to sit down at the desk, see my Bible and devotional book and look forward to the days Word. Why did I never set aside time and look forward like I do now? The saying of sometimes God takes things away from us because they are distractions in order for us to re-focus on Him until it is the right time again. Initially it may be hard to understand but I know.

another comment I pulled from facebook

This whole dialogue was because someone was discussing their multiple circle of friends and how sometimes its easier to have less circles or more, pros/cons of both.

If you know me, naturally, I liked the wife analogy. =p Of course it applies vice vera....

Comment to that was :


In the kingdom of God, there are only two areas one can lean towards. being pansies being soldiers .

The only way we know if we are leaning towards one or the other at the time is referenced in the bible.Jesus had circle of trust.. an inner circle if you will. But, what He did with it, was to use that support they gave him to reach out to circles that did not have Him.

The thing is, you already have Jesus in you. Next step would be to ask yourself what He would do from there through you.... See More

I've seen you reach out to other circles. Perhaps it is a good thing for you to build a strong innercircle of soldiers that will support you for the PURPOSE of reaching out to others.

If your circle of support are composed of pansies, than that's probably not the circle of support you want.. if you want to be an effective soldier for God's kingdom, that is.. Cause you'd be spending your time affirming each other instead. Like what AAIV did (looking back) and what .. people from other entities not to be named did..

It's the same thing with a wife. As you are choosing a potential wife, Pray it would be one who would support your mission to spread Jesus. Otherwise, if she's insecure and all she mostly wants is affirmation and your attention because she doesnt have enough Jesus milk/nourishment ( Yes, there are a LOT of christian girls like this... I know this), Than drop her sorry A** or else you'll begin to settle .. and thenit takes away the full potential of what you are meant to do for Him

I'm getting baptized tomorrow!!!

Its almost here. So much has happened in a year as I think back to this time last year.

Yesterday someone told me that I sound happier/not too down or sound ok with everything regarding my feelings and heart. I was kind of surprised. Am I really coming off that way? Its good right? That should mean that I am finally slowly starting to be ok with where things are... At the same time, deep down inside I know I'm not completely as strong as I look on the outside. I've come a way, but its a battle everyday....

reminding myself right now that I need to be patient for whatever it is I'm being patient for, which I don't know of. I just have to do it...be patient and just worry about seeking God with all my heart. Not to worry about anything else and He will allow things to fall into place.

Ok, theres my pep talk for myself!

Tomorrow is almost here! I am getting baptized!!! =) excited, nervous...and everything in between...

A quiet time before I start my testimony

Before beginning to write my testimony, I just sat, was still for a moment and prayed. Decided to also do my quiet time from the Daily Bread devotional book. I've been thinking more about whether I should use that as a guideline or just pick a book of the Bible to study like Megan does. Just do both? yea, I think so too...

Anyways, I was anticipating praying and doing the devotion will help me with my testimony and the direction I am trying to go with that. I glance at today's devotion from the book and the title is "Is Evolution A Fact? and the sentence that sums it up at the bottom says, "all creation points to the almighty creator"

My thoughts were, I know this already...how is it going to help me with my testimony?? How does or how can it even tie to it, what relevant thing can I get out of it to apply to my life for the testimony? I thought about just reading the devotion real quick and just skipping the Bible passages it tells you to read, but decided to go ahead and look it up. What the heck right...The passages were Genesis 2:1-7 and Hebrews 11:1-3.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:6  And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. 

mmhmm!! to those two verses....

Also as I was flipping to Hebrews 11, I ran across Heb 12. Again, one of those moments when I intend to go to a particular passage and I end up stopping at something else that ends up speaking to me...All of Heb 12:1-12 but in particular...

Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix out eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of out faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The question I've been asking myself (which I want to answer) while thinking about writing my testimony, has been, " what does it mean to live a life for Christ?"

Ok, back to Microsoft Word as I begin. Just wanted to jot down the awesomeness I came across before I started!

 =)

finding good deals make me happy =p

I'm excited!! I just found 2 really good deals on HAR, Houston Apartment Realtor.

Krystle, Meg, Nicole, and I went looking at a few houses today...we fell in love with a small cozy blue house with a red door and swing in the front lawn but it was for sale $225k =( inside was gorgeous and homey too...

Well the 2 on HAR, they were both 100 cheaper than the ones we looked at earlier today and ALOT newer. I really am not a fan of old old houses...and for some reason I am biased towards 2 stories... Old is ok, but sometimes the smallness and oldness combined is a little too much for me.

Hopefully they'll get back to me with the appointments I wanted for showings. I want to see them asap right now! This is definitely going to give me another thing to look forward to either this Fri or Sat...

and hopefully the girls are ok w/the area. Its about 8 min from UH...

A night I thought spent at home watching a movie and wine turned out to be thai food w/Christina and Bui even though I already had dinner. They are always fun chicks to be with.

- I Love red curry chicken!!
-Christina is going to loan me her ski gear/clothes (Wendy said she was too...now I have 2 options!)
-tomorrow I can count down the hours at work by looking forward to the resale shop...then loan time...then running @ memorial with Christina...
-today I read lots of lady in waiting and my Bible at work =p
- my brother sent me a text that said EVERYONE LOVED THE CAKE....its the ferrero hazelnut frosting that is awesomeness!
- that made me day, after our failed cupcakes last night....

everything on this post is totally random but i'm loving it!

I like my busy days every now and then.

Photo dump of life (what hasn't made it onto facebook yet...)

I miss my long hair :( my brother being goofy and took this random shot, but I like it! =p

I can't believe November is almost over

December is almost here. Unbelievable.

Summer was only ending yesterday....

What am I going to do for the next month?!

Looks can be deceiving. I look and try to be stronger than I am...

But at the same time, the strength I have now is not mine alone. Without His guiding hand, I am nothing.

This weekend was ok. A lot of mixed feelings here and there, just coping with my own trivial observations and not letting it get to me. Trying to not feel like I am replaced is a hard thing to brush off.

I can't say I've never been clubbing anymore....It wasn't too bad, but I'm not crazy about doing it regularly either. Everything just goes back to normal the next day.

The clothes swap was fun though! I'm going to be wearing new stuff the next few weeks =) Lunch with Wendy was also good. Thai food and time with an awesome person. But I didn't get to make it out to Via Colori yesterday....and the weather was sooo good!!

words i like from plps fb status

person 1  - (on their status)

there is always hope; don't give up on people. please hold me accountable to this.

 person 2 - (comment to that) :) AMEN

Never give up on people, but you may need to allow them to grow on their own for a time. Nevertheless, one can always hope and pray for healing.

 

There are random things like this which I come across and read or something from a book like Captivating which stands out to me. Sometimes I wonder if in all these instances, is God working and speaking to me, or am I trying to interpret and apply things my own way. I asked Krystle about this the past weekend and she said you have to use your discernment. 

 Yes, discernment is important. I think as long as my mindset is not on "me" and what I want, what He chooses to speak and reveal to me is able to come through as comfort, reminders, and encouragement.

I don't know if any of that makes sense, hopefully it does. I'm having a hard time putting into words exactly what I'm trying to express.  

Seek yee first...

This old school song has been stuck in my head all morning.

Seek yee first, the kingdom of God...and He is righteousness..and all these things shall be adden unto you...all-leigh-lu-ah-le-luahhh =)

So I just decided to google the song even though I knew the lyrics and clicked on the second thing that popped up in the search. Its a lil long, but good. I know the gist of what it is saying already, but its so refreshing every time something jumps out and speaks to me all over again. I love getting the mmmhmm! feelings! To see it, read it, remember it again...

Here's the copy and paste. 

Matthew 6:33 states,"But seek ye first the kingdom of God,and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
…One of the hardest things a Christian has to learn is to rely on God's ability and not our strength…our own sufficiency…Relying on self has to literally die…God tells us to put our trust in Him…We may be having problems…God tells us to seek Him out…Prayer is communicating with God…Through Jesus Christ we can enter into the very presence of God…We can take our failings…our problems…our fears…our needs…any troubles or trials that beset us…and seek God…and He promises He will be found and will answer us…Praying is actually talking to our Father…who holds all the to our every need…our Mediator is Jesus…The fears we have…the troubles we may be experiencing…seem to get stronger more menacing in the dark…in our minds…God directs us to bring them into the light of His presence…"Cast thy burden upon the Lord(Psalm55:22)…God tells us over and over again…"Be not anxious"…He wants us to put our trust in for Him…Look to Him for all our needs…As we seek first the Kingdom of God,and His righteousness…in other words as we pray…talk to God in Jesus' name…as we rely on our Father's ability ..on our Father's. strength…we see the hand of God working in our lives…He opens up the way for us…He makes the paths straight for us…He guides us…He leads us in the way we should go…He answers our prayers …He takes care of our needs…Don't worry about fancy phrases…or fancy prayers…Just seek God out…talk to Him ,really tell Him what is on your heart…tell Him of your joys.. .your problems …the things that bother you or whatever is weighing you down…Hand everything over to Him…seek His answers…prayer is a form of praising God…(Psalm145:18) says, "The Lord is nigh unto all them all them that call upon Him." Amen

Tough Questions

A few things which I feel are important for people to address whatever point in time it becomes appropriate. "Appropriate" is of course relative to each individual situation...

I probably should have encouraged thinking through these earlier on. But I can't go back and do "what ifs" now. You just work with what you have, live obediently, in turn, living out God's will like Christine said. Does that mean its too late to think about it? in general? or for us? I don't think so, whether or not you have someone that they may be applicable for at the moment. Regardless, its good to know where you stand yourself.

The list will probably be on going as I think of more things to add. My brain is pretty fried as it already is right now :( but I've been meaning to get this list started so here it is.

- Goals. Are both people willing to support each others goals? Short term, long term, current goals, new goals...
Standing by them as they complete their goals knowing there may be sacrifice along the way. If I wanted to build a tree house in the backyard, would ya help? =p If a job takes one person somewhere, is the other willing to go? Etc...

- Are we complementing or completing? Should be to complement not complete the other person. Only Christ can complete.

-The reason for being together is ultimately what?

- Can you open up, share, and let the other person in your life? Take care, love, share happiness and burdens.

- Imagine where you want to be or where you're at 10 years from now, can you see them with you where you're at, doing it with you?

-  Are you willing to love them and their family despite whatever wackiness? =p

- What is the foundation of your relationship? What initially attracted you to them? What do you see in the person that you know you can keep on seeing in them the next x amount of years?
Ex. if attraction or physical desires is what is keeping it together, then when those things fade or don't last, what do you have to fall back on? There has to be something much more solid than that.

- Are both plp willing to accept differences that may otherwise makes things "smoother" if they were similarities? Could range from a wide variety of things from hobbies..ethnicity...language..the way the toothpaste is squeezed...? etc.

- Willing to accept each others quirks?

- Can you see them as your best friend down the line?

-

(Drawing a blank right now, add on if you have something to share!)

going going going...

After going to the gym last night and crossing something off my today list, whatever I blogged about earlier yesterday night is good now.

I feel like I'm just a wave of emotions lately, but it changes fairly quickly. Which is good....cause I don't want to be stuck in a downwave ehh :(

Anyways, woke up at 11:30ish today even though I didn't have class. I totally wasted my morning to do work sigh. Hopefully that means I'll have energy to stay up tonight.

Can't wait until tomorrow, sg! and then Friday and this weekend, IV retreat! :)

all of a sudden its hard again

The week starts off great, I feel confident, I can do this mentality...I still have it, but I admit I had/have a slight bump along the way just tonight. :(

I know satan delights in when we are weak. When we lose faith in God for even a moment. I just have to keep remembering that He designated this time for us to become better for what lays ahead for us... (loop, repeat this..) Remembering that and all that I've learned lately from Rom, Matt, etc...and I'll be ok..

Yesterday I felt better than this time last week and I know by this time next week, I'll be better still...

It's like the start of each week is something new for me right now.

Last week was the start of letting it sink in....

This week is more of change in the pattern and routine of things, along with it sinking in.

Spending my time at the computer lab doing assignments instead of the comforts of elsewhere. Going to the gym, bringing all my stuff and showering there before I leave to avoid the low water pressure at the house. Eating McDonalds and other random junk on the go. Feeling like I'm tip toeing in someone else's home, following their rules. Technically I guess I am since its not my place.

Maybe I'm just being extra sulky since its the first day back after over a month. My negativity surrounding the environment is coming out full force right now sigh. and I have to share a room now =(

Oh well, thats life for now. There are more important and bigger things...
One day.... :)

its a good monday!

I have bruises all over my knees, one on my elbow...
my left eye is red and hurting some since I got poked by a branch as I turned my head while rock climbing  : (
the muscles behind my shoulders are sore
I still feel sleep deprived and have weird sleeping patterns
I still don't really have an appetite 

BUT

I had quiet time this morning around 6ish
I've been reading more
I passed my math content state qualifier test (needed to pass to take the real thing and be able to student teach)
The advisor said I may still have a chance on getting my first choice for student teaching...
Visa is @ 81.16 of course this can and will change...but for the time being... 
I feel wayy better than this time last week
Burdens on my heart are lighter (other than school work)
People said the pumpkin bread I made for camp this weekend was yummy
I know God is working
I am encouraged!

Matt 6:33

morning devotion

I haven't done a morning devotion in the longest time. There is this mini devotional book called the Daily Bread I used to get from my old church. Decided to read it online this morn. God never fails to put things, people, passages, songs, literature in my life that continues to guide me along and back...

I pray what they pray at the end. Having a longing and thirsting for Him that is so intense that others would feel the heat of our desire.
My heart’s desire is to know You, Lord,
To walk close beside You today;
To know Your grace, Your love, Your power,
For You are my life and my way. —Cetas

Only Jesus, the Living Water, can satisfy the thirsty soul.

This is where I am right now especially after this weekend and as I start this new week knowing what my priority is at the moment. It's been about a week since we've talked about us and where we need to be...

I had Romans 8 yesterday morning during worship at Vox in Austin and now Psalm 42. He doesn't fail to guide us....  in part of the devotion it says..."and when they had found Him the finding was all the sweeter for the long seeking." That was exactly what I took notes on for part of Rom yesterday. This isn't all my notes, maybe I'll organize them and stick them on here later since I was writing really fast yesterday. I hate when I can't catch everything I want to write down as the speaker is talking!

- We are so afraid, have fear, that we just pour ourselves into things we think will keep us alive. But only the spirit keeps us alive.

- Paul reminds us of this, we remind each other, the spirit reminds....that suffering does not compare to what comes after. I f I am inviting you into a period of suffering, trouble, its going to be worth it. Imagine if you didn't push through... The Spirit reminds us, this is the life we want after.

The example the pastor gave was a mother giving birth. You don't just stop pushing at the baby's shoulders or head. You keep going, you push, because what comes after is worth it.

http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml

Title was Heart of Our Desire 
Psalm 42

Pastor A. W. Tozer (1897–1963) read the great Christian theologians until he could write about them with ease. He challenges us: “Come near to the holy men and women of the past and you will soon feel the heat of their desire after God. They mourned for Him, they prayed and wrestled and sought for Him day and night, in season and out, and when they had found Him the finding was all the sweeter for the long seeking.”
The writer of Psalm 42 had the kind of longing for the Lord that Tozer spoke about. Feeling separated from God, the psalmist used the simile of a deer panting with thirst to express his deep yearning for a taste of the presence of God. “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (vv.1-2). The heat of his desire for the Lord was so great and his sorrow so intense, he did more weeping than eating (v.3). But the psalmist’s longing was satisfied when he placed his hope in God and praised Him for His presence and help (vv.5-8).
O that we would have a longing and thirsting for Him that is so intense that others would feel the heat of our desire for Him!  — Marvin Williams
My heart’s desire is to know You, Lord,
To walk close beside You today;
To know Your grace, Your love, Your power,
For You are my life and my way. —Cetas

Only Jesus, the Living Water, can satisfy the thirsty soul.

a few days needs to hurry and pass

I just want each day to pass by faster this week. My journal is getting full and there are too many thoughts to keep to myself. Please hurry.

I want things to hurry up and move along, but funny how one out of many things God has me learning and realizing throughout all this is to be patient. Whereas I am used to ending the day with a solution, He & he has me waiting this time. Of course I hope the waiting results in something good. Even if not, its easier to say I need to trust in Him right now and actually trust while not knowing the end result yet. But the real test is to continue to trust when I do know the answers regardless of what they are.